Pre-Stage 1 - Growing Up & Tinnitus Producing Actions
I began playing computer games as a child. I remember being cramped in my shoulders, neck, arms and fingers after playing for a long time. This also lead to sitting down a lot, and not always correctly.
Writing and working on computers was another factor that made me both sit wrong and tense my shoulders, neck and arms.
I also remember hurting after writing long exams by hand. However, the most important factor in my youth was probably the stress. I was scared and worried about everything, from my future to what would happen that day. It all added stress which made me tense.
I enter the military (compulsory where I lived back then) at the age of 19. During boot camp, a fellow soldier manages to fire off his semi-automatic rifle about one meter away from my ear. That hurt and I worried about it alot but I didn't get any long-term sound in my ears.
I had always been careful about my hearing, refusing to go into loud parties without protection and never listening to music too loud.
Pre-Stage 2 - My Twenties & Tinnitus Producing Actions
My twenties were filled with constant working on computers, mostly without any focus on ergonomics. From school to work and also pleasure, computers were a daily thing.
My twenties also had its fair share of stress, caused by many reasons.
I remember feeling increasingly tense in my back and shoulders towards the end of my twenties. I also began noticing that when I flexed my shoulders backwards, my muscles seemed to sort of 'crack'. I shrugged this off as 'just being a little stiff'.
I renovated the house we lived in during my late twenties. I always wore ear protection, except of course that one time when I had to glue my floor together. I had a minor "glue incident" and thus the only way to prevent me from losing the whole floor (& a lot of money) was to bang it in with my hammer. There was no time to waste since the glue was already getting very sticky. The space was very small and even if I held my hand in front of my ear, this banging hurt my ears even if it lasted less than 3 minutes. But my ears still didn't ring long-term after this incident.
I've never really gone to a lot of concerts or loud events in my life. And for almost all of them, I put ear plugs to protect myself and I was never close to the stage or the speakers.
Pre-Stage 3 - My Early Thirties & Tinnitus Producing Actions
My back and shoulder muscles are now increasingly 'loud' when I try to pull both my shoulders backwards and tense my back muscles. Sort of like someone cracking their fingers but I do it with my back muscles. Computers and sitting wrong continues through jobs and university as well as for pleasure.
Stress is also a constant factor, arriving from many sources, all of which contribute to tensing me up.
Pre-Stage 4 - 33-35 Years Old & Tinnitus Producing Actions
At night I can hear a slight hissing when all is quiet. I think its just some noise. But as the years go by I begin hearing it more and more loudly. The noise becomes very evident when I am using power tools to renovate our house and put on ear plugs. With ear plugs I hear a hissing sound inside my ears.
I sometimes wonder about this hissing but it is never loud enough for me to be bothered by it, unless I lie very still in bed listening and worrying about it. During the day I don't notice it.
Stress, computers and bad posture continue to plague me but I always protect my ears from loud noise.
Tinnitus Stage 0 - I Get Hearable & Bothersome Tinnitus (Tinnitus Day 1)
I am 35 years old. It is October. Last Christmas my wife and I bought a videogame where you can play drums and guitar. My wife loves the drums and I like the guitar. We would play for long periods of time together.
Today I played alone, just for a few songs. The music is loudish but not what you would consider dangerous or painful in any way. I play just four songs. As the music plays, suddenly the sound begins to shreek in my ears, like fingers scraping down a blackboard.
I move away from the television, but the shreeks do not stop. So I stop playing.
Tinnitus Stage 1A (Realization) - Hiiisssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!! (Tinnitus Day 1)
I hear loud hissing in my left ear. I get scared. It is loud. I close my videogame and go upstairs to my wife.
Tinnitus Stage 1B (Worry & Regret) - Oh My God! I hear ringing in my ear!!!!!!!!!! (Tinnitus Day 1)
I tell my wife. Then I just listen to the sound for probably less than a minute. It seems to get more and more painful the more I focus on it. I hope it will go away. It has to! I just listen to the sound and worry.
Tinnitus Stage 1C (Denial) - Tinnitus, what tinnitus? This ringing will go away (Tinnitus Day 1)
It's been less than two minutes since I stopped playing. I realize I may have encountered tinnitus. I am attempting to tell myself that it will all be ok and that the sound will go away. I am attempting to run away from the issue. Emotions like fear, denial, regret plus stress are running wild through me.
As the minutes go by, I am refusing to think that I may have this forever. I run away from the thought that I might hear this for the rest of my life.
Tinnitus Stage 2A (Panic) - I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!! (Tinnitus Day 1-2)
OMG!!! OMG!!! WHAT DO I DO!?! I WANT TO RUN AWAY. I WANT TO CRY. HELP!!!! HELP!!!!! HEEEELLLPPP!!!!!! MAKE THIS SOUND GO AWAY.
I am stressed out and become hyper sensitive to everything around me, how I am behaving and of course the sound in my left ear. This ear is also the one that was facing the gun when I was in the army and also the ear I had the floor incident with. This, of course, makes me freak out even more.
Tinnitus Stage 2B (Desperate Action) - What do I do? I must make this pain stop!!! (Tinnitus Day 1-2)
I scramble to find a cure for tinnitus on the Internet. I search every site I can find. Read everything. So many people write as if they know all there is about tinnitus, but the more I dig, the wider and more complicated and confusing tinnitus becomes. I wish somebody would just explain everything in an easy to understand fashion, but that I don't find anywhere.
I plug up my ear with an ear plug. I want to protect my ear from any loud noise that could make my tinnitus worse. I've never placed dishes back into the kitchen cabinets this carefully in my life.
I talk to everybody I know. Those who have tinnitus (like my brother and many of his friends) all say that you must forget it is there. This is very good advice, admist all the half-truths and incorrect information I am told. After some time it becomes clear to me that practically everybody who talks about tinnitus, assumes it has to do with loud noise exposure. It is as if the diagnosis is crystal clear. Tinnitus = damage to your ears and nothing else, except a possible ear infection. But I don't quite understand it because I was only exposed to medium noise for about 20 minutes and the noise I have changes as I move my head. I read more and by chance find a messageboard where one person mentions a possible connection between your tinnitus and your neck area and muscles. At this point, from all I've read, I'm still pretty convinced that I have ear damage. I pray that I have an ear infection, but that is praying for something unlikely.
Tinnitus Stage 2B (Continued Obsession) - I hear the sound. It is so painful. I think of nothing else (Tinnitus Day 2-3)
I leave the ear plug in my ear for days to protect it. I found out that some foods and preservatives can promote tinnitus, so I've stopped eating and drinking those. I put my head down to increase blood flow. I attempt to learn acupuncture to help stimulate the energy to my ear to heal my tinnitus but only achieve an ear that becomes red and very painful. As days go by all I can think of is tinnitus and I am stressed and scared all day. I begin listening to white noise tapes to mask the sound, even when sleeping. My emotional state enters an increasingly rapid decent into darkness.
It's been a couple of days now. I decide to go to the doctor. It is better to go quickly. What if I could have done something now but since I waited it is now too late? So I go.
First I see the nurse. She asks why I'm here. I say tinnitus. She looks in my ear and sees that it is red. This tiny bit of hope that I have an ear infection is like a sun entering my life, even if I know that it might be from my self acupunture attempts. So to rule out ear infection I get to see the doctor. It is a woman. She comes in. Looks in my ear for about 3 seconds. Tells me it is not an ear infection and that my tinnitus is caused by damage to my ear. She says it will often go away by itself at my age. That was it. No questions, no nothing. She tries all that she can to not tell me that it could stay forever or that it could take 3 hours or 6 months before something happens. For that information I have to pry real hard. I tell her that the noise changes but that does not phase her. All I can do is wait she says.
I've read that my tinnitus could be caused by tense muscles in my neck, so I ask for a perscription for a massage to loosen up my very tight back and neck area. I ask if it could be my muscles causing tinnitus but in the doctors eyes this is not a possibility, but she give me the perscription. However, she makes it clear that I have damage to my ears and that she is 100% certain. After this, my brain makes the sound 100 times more annoying and painful. I can't focus on anything else. I'll do anything to make it stop. Just please give me back my peace. I feel my moral going down to rock bottom levels.
Tinnitus Stage 3 (Depression) - Darkness all around me, I am hurting so much (Tinnitus Day 3-7)
Why get out of bed? My life is so painful. I see only pain in my future. This sound is driving me completly crazy. I can't relax, AT ALL! The sound hurts like fingers down a chalkboard. I can't concentrate or enjoy anything in my life anymore with this painful sound. I won't ever be happy again.
I have now shut down. I do nothing but be sad and obsess about the sound in my ear that my brain has amplified 100 times louder than what it is.
I have just one hope, that the massage therapist can perform a miracle on me.
Breaking The Tinnitus Mold As Additional Knowledge Is Brought To My Atention (Tinnitus Day 7-10)
This is where my tinnitus experience deviates slightly from what I've written about mental states you go through with tinnitus. This is because I discover new information about my situation.
But back to how I felt at the time. It is still october. I am so depressed. All seems to be getting only darker. After much research, I've made my appointment with a TCM (traditional chinese medicine) doctor and massage therapist.
I stumble onto a website that talks about TMJ, roughly meaning that your jaw position and use could cause tinnitus. I read with great interest. I also come across additional information about tense muscles and how they can cause your tinnitus. Just by chance I also learn of a test you can do to see if tense muscles could be the cause of your tinnitus. I do the test and guess what. The sound in my ear pulsates with my actions, meaning that it could be my tense mucles causing my tinnitus. This makes sense since I was playing the guitar when I got tinnitus and I remember being very very VERY tense in my fingers, arms and especially shoulders while playing. Almost one year of such activity could perhaps cause tinnitus I think. In my current dark cave-like existence, my virtually non-existent glimmer of hope has suddenly become brighter.
A Glimmer Of Hope Returns (Tinnitus Day 10-19)
As the next days go by, I find out much more about my condition. I become more convinced that there is a real possibility I could have tinnitus caused by tense muscles.
I meet with the TCM practitioner. Whereas the western doctor told me I had hearing loss, he asks all the right questions and upon examining me and massaging my neck, shoulders and back, can tell me that I have tense muscles and that they are the cause of my tinnitus. He explains how they compress the arteries which again produces tinnitus. He explains that I must relax, tell my muscles to relax and return my muscles to a soft and supple state. After 90 minutes, I am done. My tinnitus is still there but I feel already much better and that I am on the right track.
I have my second appointment a few days later. This time I can feel that I am more receptive to the massage and treatment. I relax much more and my tinnitus is reduced after seeing him!
The Initial Cure Arrives (Tinnitus Day 20 & Quiet Day 1)
The third TCM appointment was just WOW. Major breakthrough. This is just way better than a regular massage. I fell asleep at least 6 times during this session. I was trying not to but it was impossible. The way my neck and shoulders was massaged really loosened me up, the energy flow and the reflexology was just OMG WOW!!! And....my tinnitus DISAPPEARS!!! Now at about 3 weeks after I first got tinnitus, the sound disappears in my ear. I am so happy that I am crying.
Now that I am more relaxed, I can see how stressed I was when I actually thought I was resonably relaxed. At this point, after having had enough exposure to this treatment, the treatment is even more effective and my mind and body has finally relaxed enough for me to see the desired result of no tinnitus.
Tinnitus With A Vengance (Tinnitus Day 21-50 & Quiet Days)
The first couple of days after the TCM treatment I am on cloud nine. The tinnitus is gone except for a couple of times when it returns. However, I can make it go away by doing relaxation techniques, such as listening to relaxation tapes or taking a warm bath before bed.
In the days to come, the tinnitus returns more regularly. I fight back with my mental relaxation techniques but it becomes harder and harder for me to remove my tinnitus. I can't afford any more massage as it isn't covered by my insurance anymore, so I'm on my own.
I begin to notice that the tinnitus quickly arrives when I am sitting, sleeping and driving.
At this time I get a new job. The stress of this new job re-instates permanent tinnitus in my ear, which is even louder than before at certain times.
As I am daily analyzing my situation, it begins to become more and more clear what is causing my tinnitus. I tense my muscles through stress, poor posture and lack of movement. It was my habits which brought back my tinnitus again and so I must change them and also undo the damage to my body that I have inflicted.
Trial & Error, Persistence & Success (Tinnitus Day 51-80 & Quiet Days)
To attack the tension in my body. I purchase a massage machine. It is awesome. I use it alot and feel that my muscles gradually release their tension.
I pay constant attention to all my daily habits. After a while, it becomes clear that it is my sitting, driving, sleeping and working habits which cause my tinnitus, plus daily stress. I buy a new pillow to support my neck and adjust my sleeping situation to stop myself from clenching my neck muscles in my sleep. I adjust my chair and constantly make sure that I am relaxing my neck as I sit and work. I adjust my car seat and also change my driving habits to relax my neck. I also mentally focus on relaxing this area as much as I can.
I often fall back into my old ways and have to make a concious effort to change, yet these efforts are quite successful. I reduce my tinnitus and sometimes make it even go away completly. But it is still not the whole recipie. I am still missing something.
My Second Major Breakthrough (More Quiet Than Tinnitus Days (81-100))
I do some more reasoning. My goal is to soften my muscles and to keep them from tensing back up. I am making good progress on changing my habits and I've reduced my stress significantly. I am massaging my muscles often. So what is missing?
After Christmas it hits me. What softens muscles? Heat. I am not applying enough heat to my muscles. I need to make my muscles warm. And so I start to work out. My wife and I begin watching a workout tape. In addition to getting in shape and loosing weight, my primary goal is to sweat and warm my neck, shoulder and back muscles. I make sure to move my arms and body in all kinds of unusual and uncomfortable positions in order to use my muscles in ways that will break them free from their "habitually stuck and locked" positions. After each workout, I make sure to do plenty of stretching. Even after the first workout I feel a difference in my ear. I still have tinnitus all the time but now it is less.
Another major breakthrough is when I combine my workout and stretching with a warm shower focusing on relaxing. I exit the shower and my tinnitus is gone. It feels so great.
Unfortunately the tinnitus reappears as I do my daily activities. Sometimes I still sleep wrong and wake up with loud tinnitus. I drive and forget to readjust myself. Even as I'm writing this I can feel that the tinnitus is stronger for not realizing enough that I am tensing my muscles or sitting wrong.
But my MAJOR breakthrough arrives as I apply all that I've learned so far. I massage my muscles. I work out. I stretch. I take warm showers and baths. I listen to relaxation tapes and do relaxation routines (I restart my Tai Chi and Qigong, which I used to do 10 years ago and which I highly recommend). I stay aware of my body positions and adjust as much as possible. I work at conciously releasing my stress.
This daily long-term plan of actions WORKS. I reduce my tinnitus to a point where I have more quiet time than tinnitus. The tinnitus I do have is much lower than before and only arrives when I know I'm not fully doing the actions I'm supposed to.
Working To Cure My Tinnitus (More Quiet Than Tinnitus Days (101-149))
I still have a way to go. I still need to soften my muscles more and work on my habits enough so that my new habits become permanent. I am afterall changing a lifetime of habits and their results on my body. But it is already mostly quiet in my ear now since I am working on softening my muscles and ligaments everyday. I am changing how I am doing my tinnitus producing activities and most importantly, I am working at relaxing myself.
Reaping The Benefits (Virtually Free From Tinnitus Days (150-176))
As I relax more and do the things I know help me, I reap the benefits. I am now seldom bothered by my tinnitus. In fact, most of the time it is gone. Just to tell you, for the last month or so I can't really remember when I thought about tinnitus. When it does return, it is only because I am stressed or doing an activity where I clench my neck muscles. It then goes away as I stop that activity or relax myself.
I am moving in the right direction and as long as I continue to do what is good for me, I know I'll be alright, and for all practical purposes, completly healed.
Launching "A Tinnitus Blog" (Virtually Free From Tinnitus Days (177))
I began working on this blog about 30 days into getting tinnitus. Suffice to say, it has been both a lot of work but also theraputic to write it all down, as I've been (let's just say) "very into" tinnitus for the last 6 months.
Today is launch day!
The site isn't complete, but finished enough to launch. I will continue to update, improve and maintain the site, but at least it will now be online.
I hope this site can make things a little easier for somebody else.
Cured! (Virtually Free From Tinnitus Days (177))
Things just keep getting better. The few times I encounter tinnitus are simply reminders that I need to adjust my behaviour. I adjust and the tinnitus goes away.
I believe I can say with confidence that I am cured. I am cured of my tinnitus.
Just like walking outside with wet hair gives you a cold and staying warm gets rid of the cold, so is my cycle with tinnitus. During these last 6 months, I have removed most of my "wet hair activities" and work hard to "warm myself up" and cure myself when I do "walk around with wet hair".
To sum it all up this far. This has been a very emotional and stressful journey for me. I learned a lot but when looking back, I really wish that I had found the information I needed more easily. It would have saved me so much pain. So many sleepless nights, stress and depression could have been avoided. But if I share what I know with others, then hopefully, somebody else won't have to go through as much pain as I did. So by writing this blog and spreading what I know, the pain won't be for nothing, but it can actually relieve somebody else's pain. Thinking about that warms my heart, and that is the main reason why I wrote this blog.
I hope reading my story was helpful to you and I wish you well on your journey.
Erik West, 2010-04-12
Update, 6 Months Later
These last 6 months, my life has continued as before. Only certain times when I drive my car or am too tense, does my tinnitus reappear. But I can make it go away again but loosening up my body and relaxing my mind. I've only had a few days, where I was really stressed out and also didn't move enough and worked long hours in very poor postures, where I had constant tinnitus. But that all went away once I took care of myself and was able to better cope with the stress.
So all in all, from my point of view, I am cured. Only when I do stuff that I shouldn't, do I get in trouble. It is like getting a cold. Walk outside in the cold with wet hair and the cold virus will get you. Tense your neck and back muscles hard enough and long enough, and you can get tinnitus from it. So I've just tried my best to not do any of those things, and the result is that I am tinnitus free about 99% of the time.
Best wishes.
Erik West, 2010-10-04
